I’ve always had a really bad self esteem, ALWAYS. It wasn’t until late 2016 when I met my boyfriend, he helped boost up my self esteem very high. He taught me to love my self, he taught me that there was better men out here. Although my trust was broken he taught me to trust him, he taught me that it was ok to love him. Everything he taught me worked…. I fell in love… he taught me all of that just to let me down!!! Today.. was the second time that he didn’t go home from a night out, I went to his friends house and no one knew where he was at. I went by a bar down the st from where we live just to find him there with someone else. SOMEONE ELSE, was another woman.. let me tell you the time it was, it was 5 pm.. once again… this was the second time I found him at the same place but of course different woman. I took him home of course after slapping and back slapping him a few times, after throwing the beer can at the some one else’s head. My anger got the best of me that I didn’t care to fight her I was so broken inside my whole body was already numb. Once we got home he was acting very suicidal, but I didn’t care. I got my daughter and drove off. I left to get some things I needed from the grocery store. Obviously I came to realize that I did care, I couldn’t leave him all messed up by him self, I knew that if I walked away from him and something happened to him I was going to regret it for the rest of my life.
I prayed over him over and over. I cried with him, I questioned him over and over again until I got tired of hearing his LIES. I then started to undress him so that I can shower him as he couldn’t even stand by himself. I came to realize his wallet was empty…. today is Sunday and he got paid just two days ago on Friday.. where was all his money? The bar hoes got him. My blood is boiling by that time. He fell as I was taking his pants off, yes I did try my best to hold him up but being a man and drunk it’s extra weight… I finally was able to shower him&& we cried more again together in three shower.. I couldn’t and didn’t want to believe what I was seeing. He was a complete different person. He was becoming very violent as soon as he realized he didn’t have his money & he wanted to go back to the bar to get his “shit” back, I didn’t drive him obviously, I mean none of it was going to be there, who ever took it out of his pocket wasn’t going to give it back! I fed him and put him to bed. I prayed over him again.
Now I’m asking my self “am I not enough of a woman for him?”. “Am i works for staying?” I am tired, my head is throbbing, I am currently feeling like I am not worth it. All I ever wanted was to be the best that I can for him. I have never ever even thought about talking to another guy in a flirtatious way, I’ve never ever even checked out a guy, never ever cheated on him what so ever. As far as now I have left it all up to God, he will show me the way, he will show me what is right, he will guide me through these tribulations.
